sábado, 2 de enero de 2010

Hazte la fama y échate a juzgar

No es que yo le tenga bronca a mi cuñada, más bien es un sentimiento de incompatibilidad crónica el que le tengo, el mismo que nació en aquel instante en que la vi masticando Kellogs una noche de abril, del año dosmiltres.

Fue para la fiesta de cumpleaños del que es hoy mi marido, la fiesta donde el quía me presentó a la “pet society” (es que sí, definitivamente me resultaron unos animales salvajes todos, desde el primer momento). Sin ahondar en muchos detalles, y para hacer las cuestiones aún más gráficas, he optado por cambiar el helado por tortas cada vez que me encargo de los postres ya que ver a mi suegra sirviendo el primero en cada compotera a la vez que en cada tramo va chupando la cuchara, me descompone hasta la médula.
Pero hoy mi suegra no se merece mi recitado (me cuidó a la perra), hoy el problema es la mujer del hermano de mi marido. La recuerdo hoy con las comisuras empapadas de restos de chicitos sacándole mano a cuanto fulanito o menganita que se le cruzara en el pensamiento, alardeando acerca de las cuatrocientasmil horas que le demandaba el estudio de la última materia de abogacía, y quejándose, as always muchachos, de “la” calor mientras comentaba sobre lo agotadora que había sido la maratón sexual de las últimas horas con su marido.
Mi amiga Eva (ya les voy a contar de mi amiga Eva), sabe compararla con una vecina mía a la que la llamamos “la Pochi”, una gorda con pelos en el mentón ordinaria hasta las ojotas, pero al menos, bonachona y generosa.
Mi cuñada es una cucharada de aceite de ricino, además de otras cosas, peores. Lo peor que puede ser mi cuñada es ser abogada, definitivamente.
Que mi cuñada tenga en sus manos el título de abogada es comparable con el hecho de que mi sobrina de tres años tenga en sus manos, también, una 38 cargada de balas.
La tipa se piensa que ante cada pleito o palabra injuriosa o calumniante ella te puede largar como molotov el “cuidate que soy abogada”. Síiiiii!!!!! Hace alarde la muy turra.
Un cable que un vecino cruce sin querer por el frente de la casa o un poco de bochinche en el barrio después de las 11 de la noche, va a juicio!.
Me la imagino en las defensas comiendo los Kellogs llevados al juzgado subrepticiamente en los bolsillos y hablando de “la calor” y otras cuestiones y siento un “retorsijón” de esos de vergüenza que se te instalan en el intestino.
Mi madre tiende a retarme, o a llamarme la atención cada vez que alguna palabra referida a mi cuñada se me instala en la lengua, por eso estoy acá.

65 comentarios:

Thotila dijo...

JA JA JA JA, La cuchara para servir no!!!, eso no se hace, por favor.
Con respecto a su cuñada... espero que nunca la hagan jueza.
Pasaba a comentar nomas. Los bloggers de acuario tenemos que estar unidos (je)

Saludos

Dolores dijo...

Bienvenido colega astrológico Thotila, definitivamente los acuarianos debemos unirnos, pa' la revolución de más tarde, vio?
Comparar a mi cuñada con la jueza Parrilli ha sido acertado, obvié la comparación en mi post, au-nque ah-ora que l-o p-ienso- hubiese hecho la descripción, todavía, un poquito más acertada.
Un saludo

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